MACKENZIE K.
Progressing
I wanted to stop, but nothing was actually going to help me stop using drugs: not losing my job, my family, or even overdosing and almost losing my life. I didn’t care about anyone, anything, or myself. Just drugs.
I’m not going to say I had this big epiphany coming to prison. All I know is that I had a heart full of hate. A heart filled with guilt. I could do the seven years. What I was putting my family through, though, that’s what truly tore me up inside. I feel good about the fact that I have shed the anger that I had for God, for people from my past. The hatred toward myself.
For as long as I remember, I have had these tapes that I played over and over, like a mantra. “You’re not good enough. You’re not worth it. You’re a piece of shit.” It was just something that I lived with and didn’t talk about.
Dr. Lee Perlman’s Non-Violent Communication course (ES.9114) really helped me see things in a different way. Never once did I think of these mantras as being violent. When I thought of violence I thought of something physical. When, in actuality, I was really being violent toward myself. In class I realized how important forgiveness truly is. I got out of class, and told my mother I was sorry. She told me she had already forgiven me, but I needed to forgive myself. This is something that I’m still working on, like the negative things that I tell myself, but it has gotten easier and easier. I try and do things better today, then I did yesterday. When I think of the past, I try and think of all the good things that I’m doing now, instead. It’s progress. Through it all, though, just talking about things I had gone through and was going through, with people in class, I don’t quite feel as alone as I thought I was. I’ve made connections with people, that I will never forget.
It doesn’t matter what I’ve done. What the next person has done. We all have a past. We all struggle, whether you’re sitting in prison, or you’re an MIT student.
– MacKenzie K., 2021
JAKE PILSBURY
Transformation Inside My Incarceration
Within the shadowy depths of this institution, I have witnessed many spirits become slayed beyond repair. Loneliness has vanquished the presence of hope inside our hearts. Among this deficiency of hope we wander purposelessly, and any man who lacks purpose will never find peace. Hope is the beacon of light which illuminates the moments of darkness. I have spent many chapters of my life trying to navigate through these dark days. Failure after failure had beaten me down repeatedly, until I could not bear to get back up. I had finally swallowed the bitter pill of defeat.
I will never forget the moment I had finally acquired some understanding of why I did the things I did. In turn, it helped me realize that gaining that understanding is often the prerequisite to changing. People who knew my past troublesome self would often ask me, “Why the sudden transfiguration Jake?” I owe gratitude to my most recent valued educational experience. I not only learned the contents of the course, but I also began to practice this knowledge within my own life. Professor Lee Perlman and his course “Non-Violence as a Way of Life” helped enlighten me to become a better version of myself. It was throughout these very dark moments within my life when I needed this guidance and knowledge to get out of the ineffective patterns of life, I seemed to be trapped in. Spending the last ten years of my life inside prison has made it extremely challenging to uphold the higher quality of life I desired. Professor Lee’s course is structured to examine the exponents of non-violence. Inside prison the presence of violence floods many of our lives. Therefore, this knowledge becomes a very valuable tool for change. Personal reflection was another valuable component within Non-Violence as a Way of Life. Practicing personal reflection helped me understand the mistakes I have made over the years and presented the opportunity to overcome those mistakes with a superior approach.
This course united two diverse groups of people, the “inside students” and the “outside students.” The inside students are a group of incarcerated students, and the outside students are a group of MIT students. Two groups from two very different walks of life collaborating on various discussions and projects. At the beginning of this course there were many worries among both groups of students. I know that personally I was thinking these people will judge me because I am in prison; or they would be so much smarter than me and I would look uneducated in a class with them. The first few classes were quiet. Most students seem to be observing the other group. As the classes carried on and we got to know each other well, and the environment became a place of comfort for many of us. By the middle of the semester, I would excitedly count the days until the next class. Inside prison, becoming desensitized is frequent, and many of us let prison define who we are. As a result of this we often forget our value that makes us equal human beings. I know one of my concerns when I was starting this course, I was worried I would not be treated as an equal by the outside students or the professor. I couldn’t have been more wrong in worrying about this. Professor Lee and the wonderful group of outside students were truly genuine kindhearted human beings. The different experiences and opinions created interesting class discussions and projects. However, I truly cherish these experiences because I now call these students and professor Lee true friends.
This experience helped me become a better person and gain a fresh perspective of myself. Professor Lee has gone above and beyond to support me and my future. He helped me formulate goals and presented me with many opportunities to pursue a career as a graphic designer. He offered a listening ear when I needed someone to listen to my story. He was there with a helping hand to lift me up to achieve my dreams and goals. He was someone who believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself and for this, I am forever grateful.
– Jake Pilsbury 2021
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