Progressing

I wanted to stop, but nothing was actually going to help me stop using drugs: not losing my job, my family, or even overdosing and almost losing my life. I didn’t care about anyone, anything, or myself. Just drugs.

I’m not going to say I had this big epiphany coming to prison. All I know is that I had a heart full of hate. A heart filled with guilt. I could do the seven years. What I was putting my family through, though, that’s what truly tore me up inside. I feel good about the fact that I have shed the anger that I had for God, for people from my past. The hatred toward myself.

For as long as I remember, I have had these tapes that I played over and over, like a mantra. “You’re not good enough. You’re not worth it. You’re a piece of shit.” It was just something that I lived with and didn’t talk about.

Dr. Lee Perlman’s Non-Violent Communication course (ES.9114) really helped me see things in a different way. Never once did I think of these mantras as being violent. When I thought of violence I thought of something physical. When, in actuality, I was really being violent toward myself. In class I realized how important forgiveness truly is. I got out of class, and told my mother I was sorry. She told me she had already forgiven me, but I needed to forgive myself.

This is something that I’m still working on, like the negative things that I tell myself, but it has gotten easier and easier. I try and do things better today, then I did yesterday. When I think of the past, I try and think of all the good things that I’m doing now, instead. It’s progress.

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Transformation Inside My Incarceration

Within the shadowy depths of this institution, I have witnessed many spirits become slayed beyond repair. Loneliness has vanquished the presence of hope inside our hearts. Among this deficiency of hope we wander purposelessly, and any man who lacks purpose will never find peace. Hope is the beacon of light which illuminates the moments of darkness. I have spent many chapters of my life trying to navigate through these dark days. Failure after failure had beaten me down repeatedly, until I could not bear to get back up. I had finally swallowed the bitter pill of defeat.

I will never forget the moment I had finally acquired some understanding of why I did the things I did. In turn, it helped me realize that gaining that understanding is often the prerequisite to changing. People who knew my past troublesome self would often ask me, “Why the sudden transfiguration Jake?” I owe gratitude to my most recent valued educational experience. I not only learned the contents of the course, but I also began to practice this knowledge within my own life. Professor Lee Perlman and his course “Non-Violence as a Way of Life” helped enlighten me to become a better version of myself. It was throughout these very dark moments within my life when I needed this guidance and knowledge to get out of the ineffective patterns of life, I seemed to be trapped in.

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Engaging the MIT Community

Partnered with The Educational Justice Institute (TEJI), the MIT Prison Education Initiative (MIT PEI) was created in order to educate and involve the MIT community in criminal justice reform. We do so through our:

• informed discussions about mass incarceration and criminal justice reform
• co-learning opportunities for students both inside and outside prison walls
• connection to existing resources in working towards restorative justice

The first step is understanding and learning.

Questions, comments, or concerns?

Reach out to us at mit-prisoners-exec@mit.edu!